Should My Wannabe Influencer Friend Cease Using Me for Material?

The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?